the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
