bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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