I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
