good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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