well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
