I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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