Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
