Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
