so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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