Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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