at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
