paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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