My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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