I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
