I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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