Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
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Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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