: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
