I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
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I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"