Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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