Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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