she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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