Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
