Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
