I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
