She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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