Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
