What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
