He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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