I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
