Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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