So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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