i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
