she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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