i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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