What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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