wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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