When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They took my balls.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
