Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
