I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
