i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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