They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
