I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
