Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
