It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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