His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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