My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im holly from the hills drunk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
