My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
