i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
