i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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