Duck Duck Cougar?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
