Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
