I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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