I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When are your genitals available?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
