my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
