i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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