so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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