Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
