hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
