We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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