so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
