new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
