btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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