Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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