My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Damn victory sex feels great
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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