This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
