Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
