If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
