matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
