Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
