I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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