i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize