remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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