Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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